Unashamed

Crying Since Last Tuesday.

2011-12-05T20:36:00.000-08:00

This week has been tremendously chaotic.
IB slammed a bunch of homework in my face at the beginning of October/November... and hasn't stopped since. It's like an avalanche of projects and essays have overflowed into my life.... burying me deep underneath its weight.
I put all this effort into writing essays, and they've been torn apart and given low grades. I think the issue, was me going into it, expecting a lot... and getting little out of myself, as that is what seems so apparent. Amongst getting back essays covered in red ink, I've also been spending my time volunteering for Key Club activities... getting involved in the community. That's been a real great experience, and usually during whatever task it is, I'm happy and content. I'm where I want to be. Then... I get home... and I realize that I could have spent that time doing homework... or practicing my piano.

This week, I only got to practice my piano once. It didn't last long. I was super frustrated. I've not only let work get the best of me, but emotionally I've been distraught. Friendships are tearing me apart... and not in the usual sense. I'd rather not explain.

It was hard. I spent a good five days tense and angry. Since last Tuesday, I've gone home balling my eyes out to my Mumsie and Pops.

Then... come Saturday night... .and then Sunday night, I just broke down and told my Mum a ton of stuff that was bothering me. It was great. I cried a ton. Hahaha.

But you see, as soon as I did that, all the good stuff started to happen.

And God had to tell me something three times before it finally sunk in.

First.... my parent's advice:

a.) Don't lose track of the things you love most.
b.) I should never enter/leave a friendship/relationship feeling sorry for the person

Second... the Dinkles' advice:

a.) He gave me some tips on handling how the teachers grade my work, and how I can progress in a way that's good for the both of us.
b.) In short, I need to stick to what I love.... that I will excel no matter what.

Thirdly.... my piano teacher: Noftle's advice:

a.) God's blessed me with some incredible talents, and I shouldn't forget the things that I love. It's good to prioritize... and to just not forget the things that I love most.
b.) Piano Practicing Tips for People With Little Or Next To No Time :)

What was amazing was the fact that I hadn't told the Dinkles and Noftle (esp. Noftle!) any of the immense details that were stressing me out... and yet their advice covered it all. It was all deeply motivating and encouraging. There's a ton of details from all of these inspirational people written within the pages of my diary...

But the point of this blog was to encourage you.

Maybe you're going through some unbearable things... maybe you've booked up your calendar with a lot of stuff, and on top of all the work, emotional friendships are tying you down....
Just don't forget the people and the things you love most.

It hurts me to say this, but I think that over all... There was just a simple line hidden within the caverns of my complex brain :P (psht, hahaha. complex. HA. Emotion wise, yes!)... a line I had simply forgotten:

Follow your dreams. Love. Forever... love.

I knew what it meant to be loved... but I had forgotten to keep loving.

When I wrote that line in my diary... I almost started crying again.

Even during this busy Christmas season, we can forget what's most important.

Don't.

Never let it happen.

Always remember the things you love most.

I Owe You A Post.

2011-07-05T11:03:00.001-07:00

I apologize for my lack of writing on this blog...but it's because I've started a new one: http://decidedlysmiling.blogspot.com/

Most of my writing, both casual and formal, is now done there.

But, you see, today, I thought I'd rummage through my old blog....and write.

I'm not too sure what I should talk about though.

I've been going through a great life journey.
I've been in this stance....where I am so struck by awe at the glory of God.
I mean; take a look around you. Look at the sky, the earth, the flowers, the dirt. The trees....they stand so tall. Look at the people in your life.
God created them.
And we have to love them...whether we want to or not.

To be quite honest with you, I have struggled with my faith over the past few months.
But...then all this hit me.
Only a beautiful, supernatural, loving God could have created all this.
Not science....not a dead man....but an awesome God!

Regarding these people that we have to love whether we want to or not...well......what has also struck me is that we are here for such a short time, in the grand scheme of things....and in reality....these people who don't like us....these annoying friends who don't care.......well.......the best we can do is pray for them. Because we are all just struggling to get through this rat race called life.
We all have problems.
We all have issues that we must face.
We're all, to some degree, afraid.

I wish we could all move past every hindrance just to be able to love one another.

Because...to some extent, we are all so equal...we are all just the same.

I'm struggling with a lot of friendships.....
But I've realized....it doesn't matter how many friends you have...but the quality of friendship you have with just a few.

And I've realized that my God is so great...so big....so mighty......He'd move mountains for any of us.
His awesome, worthy, power, can change anything in a split second.
Just take a look around you.
He made all this.

The way I see it....if He can make all this......He'll make a way for us to see the sunshine, in whatever storm we're in.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9q6o4sbndVE&feature=feedf

check that vid out. ;)

Tough Stuff

2010-12-09T16:21:00.000-08:00

‎"If someone slaps you on one check, offer the other cheek also." Luke 6:29

Okay. So....starting from this verse i guess....maybe a little before, I read on through the chapter. It discusses the necessity of love and how we must push on, spreading the love. Jesus tells us that we need to keep on loving....no matter the circumstance.

THE NEXT DAY ( I read that last night!!! The next day = today)
I WAS TESTED.
No joke.
See I was tested with someone from school who I'm not even friends with...she was demeaning and bothered me to a T. You know...one of those preppy girls who just needs Jesus.
Well.
I came home crying to be quite honest....and told the story to my parents...half way through realizing I had just read about dealing with this sort of thing LAST NIGHT.
Goodness me.

See....the dealio is, turning my cheek from this, probably one of the hardest things to do.

Here's the rest of the verses I read:

27 “But to you who are listening I say: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, 28 bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you. 29 If someone slaps you on one cheek, turn to them the other also. If someone takes your coat, do not withhold your shirt from them. 30 Give to everyone who asks you, and if anyone takes what belongs to you, do not demand it back. 31 Do to others as you would have them do to you.
32 “If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? Even sinners love those who love them. 33 And if you do good to those who are good to you, what credit is that to you? Even sinners do that. 34 And if you lend to those from whom you expect repayment, what credit is that to you? Even sinners lend to sinners, expecting to be repaid in full. 35 But love your enemies, do good to them, and lend to them without expecting to get anything back. Then your reward will be great, and you will be children of the Most High, because he is kind to the ungrateful and wicked. 36 Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful.

Very very very very arduous.

But encouraging...because God's just revealed to me that He's here in the midst of a silence. He's here with me.
He's here.
And His love will carry on.

I wrote a song because of this.

Oh how God's love is so relentless.

What is Love?

2010-11-05T16:44:00.000-07:00

Just thought I'd share something that's on my heart.....

The fact that....love.
Love is such a strong word.
Love is everlasting. Love never lets go.

Wanna know something else that's strong? This verse.

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonour others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always preserves. Love never fails."
1Cor 13:4-8

It's just amazing....that the only everlasting love we are guaranteed to receive...forevermore....is the love of God.

So maybe you think I'm talking crap.

I'm not. I'm completely convinced that God will love through imperfections...through mistakes....through anything.

He doesn't care what we've done.....

and that....that's just epically amazing in my eyes. :)
It's comforting to know that through awful circumstances, the Big Guy upstairs is smiling down at me...ready to embrace me...ready to listen to me rant and rave about everything that's gone wrong in my day.

See...this love...this real love....it's none of that:

i luv you
i luv u
ilu
I (heart) U

junk.

It's simply...and deeply...
I love you.

The Father's Love...

2010-10-03T17:35:00.000-07:00

Sometimes not living up to our own expectations, expands our peripheral vision....we see things that we can change to benefit us...things that were blind to our eyes are now being seen by our hearts...it benefits our future. Its recognizing that what we haven't done...can be changed....
That it's never too late...

Our naked eye sees the outer object. Our heart sees the circumstance inside and out.

It's thanks to Jesus we have the will to want change. It's thanks to His death we have forgiveness. It's thanks to our Father God for eternal guidance....as much as we want it....as much as we need it.

The problem? We don't need to go through constant guilt trips about what we could have done....that's not to say we should take advantage of this! No; it's just that we have the freedom to bear nothing after...being...shall we say with God. Jesus' death forgave us of every wrong....and that is what grants us freedom. His love....surpasses every bit of knowledge. And when we find the strain of this world to be overly consuming...it's then we find peace in Him. In the Father's Love.

"And let the peace of God rule in your hearts, to which also you were called in one body; and be thankful." Col 3:15

There May Be Pain in the Night....but Joy Comes in the Morning

2010-09-25T12:38:00.000-07:00

=)

Nothing is impossible....

Days can go by where we think everything will just pile up to amount to absolutely nothing....
That's when the Big Guy upstairs reminds us everything happens for a reason.
Sure, certain circumstances happen because we make the wrong choices....but all in all God's just stickin' the broken pottery pieces of our life back together to make something as perfect as possible....
and we know that if it's God who's making it, obviously it's gonna look beautiful....

Jazzy: Live

2010-09-08T17:24:00.000-07:00

Dear me.
I am going to take up piano again.
:3
I haven't been to lessons in a year, and even so, I only have my level one.
Under pressure, I tried practicing today.

:O

Epic fail. :) Mainly because I was forcing myself to play and I wasn't exactly into it....or in "the moment." :P

Somedays I can do it, and other days (like the present) are just fumbling notes and missed keys.

Must be one of those off days.

:) Haha....I just thought of Jeremiah....
How God told him He had appointed him (to be a prophet to the nations)....
And Jeremiah instantly refused...or at least tried. I don't think you can refuse to do something that God wants you to do :) No matter how hard....But that's another story in itself.
Back to Jerry there.
God had complete confidence in Him. He needed Jeremiah to BE.

So maybe I'm not being appointed to do the exact same thing.
And maybe my task is small.
:)
But I know that any task, big or small, is still a task in itself.
Anywho....
I'm going to go to piano lessons.
I'll rock it.
:P
ahahahaha
That can be said in a good or negative demeanor. I mean....I'm sure no piano teacher really wants there piano to be rocked. =3
haha
man.
**dry humour**

This is one blog like no other I've posted.

I'm pretty much sleeping, but still feel like writing...

2010-09-03T02:31:00.000-07:00

Sitting here with my two best friends at 2:31AM has given me the idea to write a blogpost.
Weird.
I'm so dead right now it's unreal.
But here it is, and I'm ready to deliver it.
Through half-closed eyes.

The greatest friends willingly stay up all hours of the night just to watch movies with you and laugh at the most un-hilarious things.

It kinda reminded me...
God's like that.
He doesn't care what time it is.
What you have to say.
He'll talk with you....He'll listen....and even if we don't know it....He's probably laughing at the same things you find funny.

Peace.

2010-08-24T13:15:00.000-07:00

Empty out your pockets....
the ones that have been weighed down
boulder after boulder
pebble after pebble

Empty out the stones
the ones you've gathered over years
bitterness with pleasure
agony with sneers

Cast them into the river
So they may sink into the past

Let them splash and skip
Amongst the carelessness of love

Turn your rocks into stones of gladness
Collectibles of rubies, emeralds, and diamonds...

Turn your rocks into blooming flowers
To be part of the Father's garden....
daisies....daffodils....and roses.

And allow God...to water your abundant, beautiful garden.

Everything Dies a Little...in Order to Experience New Growth...

2010-08-20T17:27:00.000-07:00

Take for instance a basket of flowers.
You know...those gorgeous hanging ones you can buy at the store.....? Luscious; beautiful.
Two weeks later....they're draggin along...not as wonderful as the day you bought them.....
So, as the experienced gardener you are, you trim them back....hack em down....they endure a little pain and end up flowerless. Then in no time, they're back to the way you got them--only even more flower-bearing! Superb! Sweet scented! Amazing!

We are the basket of flowers.
God is our gardener....
and for our own benefit, sometimes He makes us endure storms...sometimes he cuts us back a little...
But in the end we're only gonna be even more happier then how we originally came about to be.

God loves us. He always will. He has faith in us. Just as the experienced gardener trusts his flowers will come back even more beautiful then before, so does God trust we will be gratified and even more beautified given some time.

Know these hard times are for the better.
xoxo

Ponder.

2010-08-19T18:10:00.001-07:00

Listening to this while drinking some green tea:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iGuDO7FfDWQ

i have no idea what it means....
but it prompted me to write this:

Don't forget to meditate. There's no need to keep yourself busy all the time...sometimes we need rest. So take a deep breath and inhale the renewing.

Much Love
xoxo
jazee.

Know You're Not Alone, But Well Equiped.

2010-08-09T14:54:00.000-07:00

Life is a choice.
Filled with choices.
And in those choices are choices.

So.....choose life.

Don't make things more complicated then they already are....and don't think they're complicated in the first place! Take a deep breath, inhale the love that surrounds you and implicate more of that love into your life.
I should start taking my own advice.
But....You know...I was re-reading this series I have: "Elijah Creek and the Armor of God" and this came up....

(Listen to this as you read: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jSwov6Zp1hY )

The Armor of God

10Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. 11Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil's schemes. 12For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. 13Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. 14Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, 15and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. 16In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. 17Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. 18And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the saints.

New International Version (NIV)

Ephesians 6:10-18

It really struck me, because part of the plot in these books is a.) to find the armor and b.) to put on the full armor of God

Life is more then just living it daily, letting things pass, letting things go....just letting it pass us by. We're worth more then that! We have a momentum....we have meaning...we're meant to be....to BE. EXIST!

TRUTH: "that which is true or in accordance with fact or reality...."
~~my thoughts: Putting on the belt of truth is knowing God is the way, the answer, that He's blessed us with a life affirming richness...that His wonderful grace is what makes us live, what makes our hearts beat, what gives us the strength and impeding force to strike the evil forces in the heavenly realms!

RIGHTEOUSNESS:-->Righteous: "1. morally right or justifiable; virtuous 2. perfectly wonderful; fine and genuine"
~~my thoughts: The breastplate covers the chest, and "in ancient times, (it was) a jeweled vestment covering the chest of the Jewish high priest." I was thinking: God truly does love us, He didn't die for us without reason! We are meant to be and He WILL protect us as He chooses! He gave us the breastplate of righteousness to justify our actions against the enemy! We have a right to stand our ground. We have a right to praise His name! We are important! We are a vital piece to the Kingdom of God!

PEACE: "freedom from disturbance; quiet and tranquility."
~~my thoughts: Stand peacefully fitted with the gospel of peace. Know you did right. Know that the enemy isn't allowed to steal kill and destroy from you! Know that God LOVES YOU! Here's the second definition for 'peace:' "a.) Freedom from or the cessation of war or violence. b.) freedom from civil disorder. c.) freedom from dispute or dissension between individuals or groups"
~~God's love and never ending promise reveals itself again! The Gospel of Peace--> The Teaching of Freedom from Disturbance! When I read these definitions and put them together, I visualized the ark...and Noah....and that rainbow of Promise....
God will protect us through the storm. Through our battles there will eventually come a time of tranquility. We just have to be FITTED....FIRM....IN PLACE....ready to speak the quiet serene love and teaching of God's peace. God's peace will come to us. The battle will be won. God will help us. He will aid us with what He's provided. We need to "put on the full armor of God so that we can take our stand against the devil's schemes." God's peace will come. His peace....will sustain.

FAITH: "complete trust or confidence in someone or something; a strong belief in God."
~~my thoughts: We have to trust God. It's the most necessary definite period of time. In fact, without trust, how else will we fight these battles? Our trust in God fights of the flaming arrows of the evil one! Our trust in God fends for us. Our faith holds us together and connects us to God, when we want to fall apart. When we're ready to give up, when we want to quit...faith...we just need faith. Hold on to that faith. As little as it is....in retrospect we will be delighted and thrilled that we grasped on to it with breaking arms and malfunctioning fingers.

SALVATION: "1. deliverance from sin and its consequences, believed by Christians to be brought about by faith in Christ. 2. preservation or deliverance from harm, ruin, or loss"
~~my thoughts:The helmet. It covers the head. (I know, obvious.) But think about it! We "put on" the helmet of salvation, and it'll deliver us from sin and its consequences! It keeps everything in place--helps us remember the fight and not get screwed up. We're not a bunch of Christians with mental cases! No! We are delivered by Christ--> and it's all connected to FAITH! If we continue to trust God--if we continue to have faith--salvation will hold us together...draws us together....keeps us together... ♥

sword of the SPIRIT, which is the Word of God:
~~my thoughts: [I put the whole part together because I can't define SPIRIT without the whole sentence there for ya. ;)] Here's a mini blog for you. :)

The Spirit:

John 15: 26-27"When the Friend I plan to send you from the Father comes—the Spirit of Truth issuing from the Father—he will confirm everything about me. You, too, from your side must give your confirming evidence, since you are in this with me from the start."

The Bible also states that God is three in one; the Trinity. The Holy Spirit is the Word of God.

The sword is "used for thrusting or striking" it is "military power, violence, or destruction." The Holy Spirit is the Sword.

You making the connection? I think this is getting deep, and I plan to expand on it and add more verses, but I'll leave you with that to meditate on.

Don't be afraid of the Holy Spirt...nor of God...nor of Jesus. The three in one; they're here for us....and we are here for them. Him. God. God's given us the armor. Now it's time for us to put it on....spiritually. Fight the battles of the Heavenly Realms...and be unafraid.

Unafraid to live.
Unafraid to battle.
Unafraid. Period.

Thank You Ms. H and Mr. S.

2010-07-22T19:37:00.000-07:00

All i gotta say is

Thanks.

Thank you best friends for understanding me.

Thanks for being wonderful....amazing.....and ever loving.

Love you two.

Love you God for putting these besties in my life.

Trust. Keep up the Faith.

2010-07-03T19:26:00.000-07:00

Sometimes waiting gets tiresome. Like...one doesn't know what to do....
It's a time for waiting though. It's a time for necessary rest.

Psalm 20:7
"Some trust in chariots and some in horses, but we trust in the name of the LORD our God."

Don't lose faith out there. Our awesome God always has something magnificent planned. Something that'll blow our minds. Even though He may feel silence is the best medicine for whatever we're going through...keep up the faith. It's what we have to grasp onto. It's what we must hold onto for dear life. Eventually...things will get better. Eventually...things will fall into the right spot. Eventually...we'll be eternally happy.

Trust.
Have faith.
He's not about to let go of you.
So..don't let go of Him.

As I always say....He loves us too much.

Fearless

2010-05-24T11:59:00.001-07:00

Just thought I'd encourage you guys to be ready and FEARLESS! to do God's works. Sometimes He makes us do things we don't necessarily want to do, cause we know that the outcome may be slightly embarrassing and what not--BUT IM HERE TO TELL YOU THAT THE OUTCOME WILL ALWAYS BE OOBERIFIC! I speak from experience when I say this. The enemy (Satan) may try and distort our thoughts and release fear into our souls, but that's when we have to click in and REBUKE the enemy and whatever's trying to attack us. God's love will always remain in the end. His peace will always last when we call on Him. The Holy Spirit is amazing and will ROCK YOUR WORLD. Just be ready. Ready to spread the Good News. Ready to fight for what's right. Ready to make Him Number ONE in EVERYTHING we do.

So I'm READY TO BE FEARLESS!
Whoot!
I'm ready to talk about the Miracles of Jesus, what He's done in my life, to my friends at school. I'm scared--not all of them are Christians, in fact the majority (98%) aren't! But that's what makes this all so very exciting! How else are we gonna get our friends to experience our Creator's amazing love if we don't tell them about it!!!! God will give us the amazing strength, boldness, and eternal love, to share our faith with others. If we take that step, I know His peace is gonna be more overwhelming then anything else.

I'm ready to be fearless.
Are you?

I leave you with these link:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OR7VOKQ0xJY

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r4EPnM62O8A&feature=related

Love Jazzy.

With Sacrifice Comes Great Victory.

2010-05-10T19:38:00.000-07:00

What sucks is when people only wanna listen to what they wanna hear. We as humans of the earthly realm...well...we can be kinda stupid.

Truth is...it's time to stop and listen to what God wants us to hear.

Thing is, He's not always a big voice BOOMIN in the air. (= I wish it was that easy. Then I'd know what to do in every moment of my life.
But God speaks through people, he speaks through your conscience.....yada......mainly: He speaks the way He wants you to hear it.

Truth be told bluntly, we humans want everything quickly and right here and now. We don't wanna go through the work, we want it handed straight to us.

The learning process....the steps we take to achieve a new level, are all part of growing.
We learn our ABCs, we grow.
We learn about food, we grow.
We eat the food, we grow.
We learn about other countries, nation-building, colonization, ideology, etc....we grow.
We learn about other languages we grow.
We learn about things we grow....I think you get the point.
Then there's the other side of the line, where when we go through something tough, we see it later on and know how to deal with it. We grow spiritually.

All in all, whatever He's gonna tell us to do, I can honestly say that no matter what we'll have to take steps in order to accomplish it, but we're always gonna grow in the end.

Just be determined to finish the race.
And listen.
Let's be Samuels....and listen.
"Here I am."

Faith Enough.

2010-04-27T15:57:00.000-07:00

So lately I've been wanting to go on a missions trip.

Like...passionately been wanting to....and ironic enough, I went to this Worship Invasion nite, and this is a story that was told:

This guy, like....a teen....who's one "skill" was being able to speak a second language of Spanish...and he really wanted to go on a missions trip to South America; he felt God wanted him to go there. So this boy set out on asking his pastor for some help...but the pastor told him that he wouldn't help, because this boy didn't go to Bible College, hadn't even finished highschool, etc. So, determined, the boy went to another pastor, and this pastor saw something different in the boy's story. He saw the passion and fire in the boy's eyes. This pastor said he would sponsor him....but all that he could do was send him over there, and give him $10 a month.

This boy walked all over South America. He went from village to village doing what God had asked him to do: share his testimony, share the gospel. He soon grew into a man and married a woman he met and they continued to travel all over South America. Soon people were building churches because they had grown to know Christ and the power of the Holy Spirit, thanks to this boy who had decided to share his faith.
Eventually they started a family, and decided to stay in one spot in South America; there they planted their own church...

Amazing.
See? No matter what the circumstance is--God will make a way. God will get you there.
You just gotta have faith enough. ♥

And you think God can't get you through something: PFFFFT.

God LOVES you and can do ANYTHING and EVERYTHING.

He'll make a way.

I know He will. ♥

Silver-Lining in the Distance

2010-04-09T22:10:00.001-07:00

...because to face thundering storms is to enhance our growth period and in the end, we'll always be satisfied with what He's provided. Completely and totally blessed.
For what the future has I do not know, but I trust my Saviour and know His plan is greater then my own.

Intercede. Don't Quit.

2010-03-25T19:04:00.000-07:00

It's during times like these, that we're challenged to keep on praying. <3 God...I will not stop praying. And although this is like another storm...I thank you for this challenge...because all in all...I think it's strengthening every one of us who are involved.

We will not be stopped.
We are interceders.

You are Loved

2010-03-14T14:45:00.000-07:00

You are Loved.

Not only are you loved by me, family and friends...but by God.

I wish I could see you face to face...tell you everything....I wish....you could understand....I wish.....you'd see with open eyes...an open heart....

You're still here because God loves you...and He has a plan for you thats so prosperous, mind-blowing, and exuberant, that it will only happen if you take hold of His hand!! God wants you to HOLD HIS HAND!

You're like a little boy...you've grown up...knowing the difference between what is right and what is wrong...but then you see something that looks better than what you have....when really it is not...

I know you let go of His hand, and left him for what the world has...

But God wants you to know He still loves you...and He just wants you to come back to Him!!! He's standing at the end of your broken road with arms wide open, and He wants you to join Him on this new adventure of life!!
I know you can't see beyond the fog!! BUT God CAN!! He truly can!! He has such a vibrant plan for you, and wants you take His hand, you'll see these wondrous new things unfold for you and you'll soon reach the climax of happiness! Don't get me wrong, there'll be plenty on that obstacle course...but that's life. It's part of the adventure.

So I dare you to take that step....
Because:
Z.) God loves you.

Y.) There's so much more to life then just living it day by day...when you dedicate yourself to God's ways and walk on the path He's made for you...everything will seem lighter in a new way..because instead of leaning on yourself, you'll have God to lean on and He can help you make the best decisions and give you a reason to hope!

X.) I love you...we all do...and we just want you to be happy and to have a reason to live.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TWgeUrD4MHI&NR=1&feature=fvwp
~"How He Loves Us" DavidCrowder Band

Change? Bring It On.

2010-03-12T12:10:00.001-08:00

You know it's kinda funny....

If you had asked me two years ago if I liked change...I would've said no....
And....to this day...my answer is still in the motion of being changed, but....

I was thinking....I've gone through a lot wrapped in a small box...that's caused me to think differently about the future...even about the present.
Prior to this year I knew I should be willing to let the future unravel itself and let change come my way, but it was hard for me to accept that in any way....so I prayed.

I prayed to God asking Him to give me a more willing heart...a heart willing to change for His sake.

And you know what? I feel like I could take on anything He wants to throw my way--I mean! To an extent!!! I'm still pretty set on not wanting to jump off cliffs or anything :D

Hahaha...no....the kinda change I'm talking about is things that would lead to the future in a purposeful way...like moving....in any large or small way...
Moving as in:
Small: stepping forward
Large: literally moving to a different town...city...etc.

I think what's happened is....I'm not afraid...and it's because of God, that I feel such emotions...
No..you know what...I can't even call it an emotion...Emotions change frequently....no....this is something different.....
It's....eternal...something that's affected me for life. And you know what? I'm happy about it =)

So....I'm ready for whatever you have in store God, because I think this realization you've put before me is for the better...and enthusiastically I come before You excited, renewed and restored.

Change?

Bring

It

On.

♥

Astounded.

2010-03-12T11:49:00.001-08:00

This....this is one of the most powerful nation-building videos I have seen....and....I'm just in such awe.

As I watched this video, tears were brought to my eyes because of how powerful the love of God was shown here...how people came together and were moved by the Holy Spirit in such mind-blowing ways.

Haiti dedicated its government and country to Satan (witchcraft, voodoo, and the sort) over 200 years ago...and now....

Its hardly exclaimable...

Here's the vid:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=30rWm84z-zg

Now that you've watched....you know what I mean now don't you?

♥

Check It.

2010-03-04T12:43:00.000-08:00

Man. Just had a fantastic moment with God....not gonna go into details, but all in all, God showed Himself to me through Phillippians 2....

It's a fantastic chapter...and I feel like I fully understand that God knows my heart inside out.

He knows your heart through the thickest point too...and don't ever doubt Him. Just sacrifice your time...and let Him hold your hand....because no matter what you're going through...God knows the situation even better then you do...and He loves you for standing strong and being willing to grow.

Even if the rain seems unending...the Sun is a blink of an eye away, and His glory is shining, even though you can't see it.

2010-02-26T16:59:00.000-08:00

My heart is beating...
I'm alive in You.
No one can tell me who I am....no one provides such a mind-blowin truth as You do my Lord.

Sometimes I can feel so lost and afraid....but it's at these times I feel like I can't do anything...but pray.

I don't understand a lot of things...I don't understand why God makes us do certain things...commit/ un-commit/ recommit.... what a cycle.
But...at this time of dire need I put my life in Your hands O God, because I know that You're love is so great, pure, and amazing...there's just nothing else I can do.

"The LORD your God is with you, He is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, He will quiet you with His love, He will rejoice over you with singing."
~Zephaniah 3:17

"'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the LORD, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.'" ~Jeremiah 29:11

When all else fails...I will remember who you have called me to be and how unfailing your mercy and forgiveness are.
God with all that is within me...I refuse to give up. For you have called me to march onward as a true soldier of yours.

My faith: true
My heart: in love
My brain: confused
My soul: knowing
My spirit: strong
My hands: stretched forth
My eyes: on You

God....with all that I am...I cry out to You. My fears are erased when I'm with you. You silence them and wrap me in your unfailing arms of love. Your peace is so undescribable...it moves miracles. God!

oh God! With everything inside me-- I long for more of you and less of me! Move Me! Teach Me!

Rock My World.

I'm Tired.

2010-02-26T16:48:00.000-08:00

Ever get tired of waiting? Tired of waiting for that same old circumstance to happen?

I'm so tired of it. I'm tired of this happening to me.......is it supposed to be this way?

Why me? Why do I have to go through this every year? Why haven't I just accepted it and moved on? Why does it all have to be the same every year....yet...somewhat.....different.

So maybe honesty doesn't work.

Losing a friend still hurts.

I'm tired of it.

"Answer me when I call to you,
O my righteous God.
Give me relief from my distress;
be merciful to me and hear my prayer."
~Psalm 4:1

I just wanna be free <3

Fight the Good Fight.

2010-02-25T16:44:00.001-08:00

Just wanted you guys to check out this vid:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7CHMVRQgVt8&feature=PlayList&p=6EC3562167206DA2&index=10

Oh...and I came across this verse and thought I'd share it with you guys cause it's so true:

"For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms."

Fight the good fight.

Unashamely I sign off sayin I'm in love with my God.

xoxo
j.s.

Honesty is Key.

2010-02-23T16:51:00.001-08:00

Gosh.

I'm sorry but I need to vent...

If you're my friend, do you like me? Wouldn't that just come naturally? I mean, I feel like you're purposely ignoring me.
Look. I don't wanna ditch you. You're great....really. I mean, I thought our friendship was worth it.

So please....tell me honestly. Do you wanna be my friend or not? I don't care how you say it or what your answer is. I just....I just wanna know the truth so I don't have to be left hanging.

I hope you're reading this.

I'm sorry if I hurt you in any way. If it just so happens that's why you no longer wanna talk to me, then just say so. Because I know I didn't mean it. I'm not like that.

Oh gosh.

God. I'm praying for open eyes. An open heart. So I may see what I'm doing wrong. If I didn't do anything wrong....then I ask you'd give my friend that courage he/she needs, so that he/she can tell me what's up.
Honestly, I just want some honesty.

I love you...and I wish you could just talk to me like we used to.

Yeah...God lead me down this different path...this path that hardly makes sense to me---
but I've gotta do it! It's just something I NEED to do.
Please, don't have any hard feelings about it. Because He specifically told me to do this.
And if this plan He has for me is bugging you...than talk to me. Cause I can talk to you more about it if need be.

His plans for you are also great and magnificent...and they involve a lot of sacrificing as time will reveal.
I hope you can understand. PLEASE though. Just tell me! Just tell me what you're thinking.
Your feelings matter to me! Just talk! That's what friends are for! And unless I'm mistaken...we're still friends....

We're still friends in my eyes anyway....

Soul Cry.

2009-12-22T21:34:00.000-08:00

I will not give up.

I am determined to serve You with all my heart, soul, mind, and strength. Nothing can stop me.

I don't know who I am, only of what I am meant to be.

What I do know is that I am loved by You. I am Your child. I hear You say, "Child, I love you! And nothing can change that! Distractions, broken paths--NOTHING can change My STRONG, GREAT, EVERLASTING love for you!"

I feel confused...and I don't feel confused...but I know....i just KNOW that this is something You need me to do. I know that the plans You have for me are so great, wonderful, and life-fulfilling.

I know that what counts is how my heart is set. What I write down in text or paper is nothing compared to what my heart is saying. And God....God....my heart cries out...
"MOVE ME! MOVE ME O GOD! TEACH ME!!! Give me something to do!!!! Tell me what to say!!!! I AM YOURS!"

And I hear You say, "Child! Child, that is what I am doing! All this... is part of Your book! Trust me! Trust me in everything you do! It may not make sense, it may be sad, it may be mind-boggling--but know this! Know this!!! That I, your Abba-Father, your Teacher, your Provider, your Master---I LOVE YOU! I planned for you to be on this Earth for a reason! You are here on a mission for Me! Don't worry! You have a MISSION, my child! Read My word, and you will know what to do! My promises are not empty! My promises are full of LOVE and HOPE! My promises give you a reason to live! Maybe you can't see the reward at the end of all this, maybe you don't understand it, maybe you find it all to be such a mystery---but KNOW THIS. I YOUR FATHER GOD LOVE YOU. That is one of the everlasting promises I have given You. Continue to live your life for Me and all the other promises will unravel, they will begin to show themselves, and you will have a better understanding, a better knowledge of yourself."

My heart....it beats....it beats for You.

Psalm 121: 1-2
"I lift up my eyes to the hills--where does my help come from? My help comes from the LORD, the Maker of Heaven and Earth." <3

David Crowder Band: All Around Me

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fu6X1NZideM

Lyrics:
(Verse 1)
"My hands are searching for You
My arms are outstretched towards You
I feel You on my fingertips
My tongue dances behind my lips for You

This fire rising through my being
Burning, I'm not used to seeing You

(Pre-Chorus)
I'm alive, I'm alive

(Chorus)
I can feel you all around me
Thickening the air I'm breathing
Holding on to what I'm feeling
Savoring this heart that's healing

(Verse 2)
My hands float up above me
And You whisper You love me
And I begin to fade
Into our secret place

The music makes me sway
The angels singing say we are alone with You
I am alone and they are too with You

(Bridge 1)
And so I cry
The light is white
And I see You

I'm alive, I'm alive, I'm alive

(Bridge 2)
Take my hand, I give it to you
Now you own me, all I am
You said You would never leave me
I believe You, I believe"

My Prayer.

2009-12-06T16:40:00.001-08:00

Envelope me in You arms God
I wanna know You
Make me whole
Renew me
Make me fresh....
I wanna know You more!
I wanna be with You!
I wanna express You!

My life is Yours
The Book of My Life---ALL YOURS
I don't know where to go without You
Be my navigation system
Be my Heart
Live in me O God!!!
O God, how I love You!

How He Loves Us.....and How He Will Never Let Go..... <3

2009-12-06T16:29:00.000-08:00

Lately, God's been changing my life.....flippin some pages in my Book.......and He's made a new chapter.

It feels good...don't get me wrong......but there's so much I'm going to miss.....

All I can do is trust......

I pray this song changes your point of view as it did mine. God loves us so much, that He will never let us go......He holds us tight in His arms, praying that we will never want to let go. We are His pride and joy....why else did He create us but to have a relationship with us individually and love us?

Don't blame God for the bad things that happen in life. He's given us the right to make choices, and the results of the choices do not need to blamed on God. God blesses us with the good things that happen in life, and it's our job to see those, and thank Him for those beautiful moments.....

So God, I thank you for helping me see that You will never let me go. You're here....and as always, You show your everlasting love......

Here's the song....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JoC1ec-lYps

DEFINED

2009-10-24T20:43:00.000-07:00

This past weekend, I went to a youth conference called Re:Generation with our youth group...this year's 'theme' was DEFINED.

AND MAN WAS IT GOOOOOOOD!

It was mainly how bout we need to be defined by Christ, and we ourselves as Christians need to define God properly. Not be slack 'n all.

It's so cool to see God move. He really spoke some meaningful things into my life, and I'm SOOO ON FIRE and READY to define God with all my heart!

So ask God. STRIVE to ask Him. SURRENDER EVERYTHING! You've gotta surrender everything for God to move in you fully. I'm sure you'll find how you can define Him then. =)

Forgive and Forget

2009-10-19T15:43:00.000-07:00

That's it. Forgive and Forget.
Don't let burdens get in the way of life.
And don't take things so seriously-----or the wrong way for that matter!
Pay attention. Make sure you're hearing everything right.

I'm tired of hearing about nonsense. People blaming others because of a simple MISUNDERSTANDING!!! LISTEN.

STOP. LOOK. AND LISTEN!

And if there is still a problem. TALK with the person. Put all differences ASIDE and TALK. Stop blaming. Apologize for any misunderstandings and FORGIVE AND FORGET---MOVE ON!

Don't let burdens get in the way of life!

Passion vs. Obsession

2009-09-22T18:22:00.000-07:00

Passion is not obsession. Passion is doing what it takes to get wherever you wanna be--never giving up until you've reached self-actualization---even going beyond that point! Obsession? well.....according to the dictionary: "A compulsive, often unreasonable idea or emotion." ;)

We have to have a passion. Be passionate about what you do. Who you are. Where you're at. Be passionate about your accomplishments and what you can do. I believe once you're passionate about what you can do, you'll be able to do it to the best of your ability. More than 100%.
Be passionate about Christianity--our relationship with God--and you can grow closer to Him, because you'll have such a longing to be with our Lord Jesus Christ. You'll have such a longing to be with Him, do things through His will...etc. If you have a passion to grow closer to God, you will!

Don't be obsessed with what the world hands out. As the dictionary says--its often UNREASONABLE!--which it is! Obsessed with unproductive, negative music? It's unreasonable. There's no reason for it, unless you can explain how it's practical.

Don't be obsessed with what the world hands out. It's not going to satisfy you. It's like "sugar". It may be sweet and sort of tasty...but eventually you're gonna get sick of it and you won't be SATISFIED. Passionate about what God offers (His LOVE MERCY and FORGIVENESS) will make you satisfied AND happy.

So don't be obsessed.
Be Passionate!

YOU ARE

2009-08-22T15:20:00.001-07:00

Nothing more nothing less. :) God has chosen you!

Might I add Deuteronomy 7:6 "For you are a people holy to the LORD your God. The LORD your God has chosen you out of all the peoples on the face of the earth to be his people, his treasured possession."

HIS TREASURED POSSESSION!

You know, I was reading the book of Daniel today, and I felt like looking up the names: Daniel, Hananiah, Mishael, and Azariah. WOW. God deffinetly picks out our names.
Daniel: God is my judge
Hananiah: Yahweh is gracious
Mishael: Who is like God
Azariah: God helped me!

CAN YOU BELIEVE IT!!!!
I mean, these deffinetly mean something, especially after the whole burning furnace episode! And after they were taken away from there families and all---MAN! LIKE, DUUDE!!!

But you see, names don't matter in their physical form. :)

WE have to make a name for ourselves--through God!
What we do really does effect our future.
What we say matters.
Our actions set the paths we choose.....which really does effect our lives.

Set your name.
Make it meaningful. In God.
Live your life for Him, cause in the end, that's all that matters.
Embrace Him....
I always say this--but it's because it screams from my soul! GOD LOVES YOU! HE DOES!
Fix your mistakes, make it right with God.
It's a continual thing.
Don't be another body walking around aimlessley. :) BE SOMEONE.
Bring it all to God, let Him reign, and you're already unique.
Your name will be written in the Lamb's Book of Life.

He loves you!

You're Important

2009-08-08T20:28:00.000-07:00

He'll be your everything.
He'll be your friend.
He'll love you till forever meets no end.

He won't forget you.
He won't drop you.
He won't dump you.

His paths might be scary, difficult, hard.
But He'll stand there.
With you.
Loving you.
Holding you.
Making you stronger.

He won't forget about you.
You're too important in God's life.

He loves you.

When you feel forgotten,
Turn to the One who understands.

He's there through the doubt
He's there through the pain
He's there through that drought

He's the water to your dry ground.
He's the sunshine to the dark room.
He's the wall to your roof.
He's the rebar to your cement.
He's the laminin to your protein to your body.....
to your life.

He loves you.

Yung Leonard Productions Presents The Louie Giglio Laminin Series

2009-07-07T18:47:00.000-07:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2mANQcUDdoA

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-gWcmvK0RL0

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f6uE1MESa48

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h22XFMEm28s

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b9oqcYfWvyE

God is our Captain.

2009-06-27T14:05:00.000-07:00

A good sailor obeys orders from the Captain. God is the Captain of our ships, so let's put our trust in His hands...and know He'll get us out of the storm we're in.

Land may seem to be too far.
The navigator might be broken.
You may have lost your map.
But God, our Captain, will always be there.
He'll guide you safely if you surrender completely.

Nothing is impossible.
He'll always be there for you.

Epiphany!

2009-06-16T19:47:00.000-07:00

Another school year gone. :) sigh. It feels good to kick back and relax.
Here's the deal. I had this great idea...an epiphany really. :)

I just wanted to encourage you to do something this summer...something different, productive, and meaningful to you. Maybe you wanna write a couple songs. A poem. A book. Maybe you wanna start a prayer group. Or just open up your home on certain days for your friends to hang out and be real. Maybe you wanna start something in your youth group. Maybe you wanna volunteer.

I've decided to volunteer at an old folks home with one of my closest friends. :)

One thing I want you to remember is to stay positive throughout your decision. Don't force yourself to do something you don't wanna do! :D And don't fall out of it halfway in. Remember to ask God for strenght when the going gets tough. He loves you.

If you don't know what to do, ask God. He knows you best, and will pick the best decision for you. :)

OH! Don't forget to talk to God about it, even if you know what you're gonna do.
His opinion should deffinetly matter in our lives.

Lovin' Loads,

Chocolate Chip

Trust.

2009-06-06T10:47:00.000-07:00

Sometimes things may seem complicated.
But deep inside they aren't.
One half of the story may not be told,
So trust they other half is real and meant to be.
Don't be afraid of the future.
God's written our stories,
And sometimes we have to let Him write down
What actions we should be doing.
Yes...it's complicated....
But all you have to do is trust.

History Maker 09

2009-05-20T08:51:00.000-07:00

So our youth group went to History Maker 2009: Believe!! AND IT WAS AWESOME!!!!! lml^.^lml
All of us grew closer--I mean, I don't think we've ever been this tight! :)
We had some pretty fun times there at History Maker. I met Manafest!! :) and his DJ. I am now inspired to become a DJ...my youth leader thinks I should become one too :D lol Who knows, maybe it is in my future!
Worship--now that was awesome!! Being able to dance and 'mosh' with so many other teen was really great--we almost decided to throw one of my friends up and crowd serf her, but it would have lasted two seconds because the security guards wouldn't tolerate it. :)
On our second-last nite, after the meeting thing ended--the DJ came back out and we totally had this big dance party!!!!!! :D It was pretty cool.
I don't think I've ever danced and screamed as much as I did then. :)
But all in all I learned a lot of good stuff. I feel the need to reach out to the community and start doing some random things around the city--like pick up garbage with our youth group! (we did that at HM) and volunteer at the soup kitchen or something...
The speakers at HM were amazing and my favorite line is "When the world says 'NO WAY!' We say 'YAHWEH!'" --Bob Lenz.
I know! Amazing! HAha!
I'm also gonna start this thing for myself. Every four months I'm going to come up with three goals, with 5 action steps. I'm still working on those goals. I'll update it when I think of them. :)
For now though I'm out.

:) later

lml^.^lml whoot whoot! JESUS FREAK OUT!
rock on.

A Piece of Encouragement.

2009-03-21T12:03:00.000-07:00

Don't give up. That's all I really wanted to say.

Don't give up.

You may be facing something right now that's unbearable, seemingly undefeatable, and in your hands, uncontralabe. But no matter what you can't give up.

God loves you so much. From the minute you were born he knew you could do it. He knew you might face many toubles, but he didn't want to give up on you...because he loves you.

His hands grasped yours as you started school, as you became friends with those you never thought you would. He held you up through those tough times. He gave you the words you needed.

The best thing is, he still has your back. He's still holding your hands. You aren't a mistake. He put you on the Earth for a reason.

He loves you.

So no matter what~don't give up. Do NOT press the STOP button. Do NOT open that EXIT door.

HE loves you, He has faith in you, and even now he's filling you p with hope, strength, and peace.

Call on God, and he will help you out. :)

Boy oh Boy...All Things WILL be New!

2008-11-15T21:47:00.000-08:00

Pumpingly stoked! That's what I am...pumpingly stoked!
Our youth group went to RE:Gen 08 this year. It was called All Things New. And boy oh boy, everything is new in my life!
A pastor by the name of Derek Schneider was one of the main speakers and God truly spoke through him! His last sermon was about the young people of today influencing the church.
That's why I am so pumped! It was like he was speaking directly to me! I have a heart for our youth group...a HUGE heart for God...and boy oh boy...the two are gonna mix like CRAZY! I really feel the need to step up! Do something! Plan some events, ya know?! :D

During this conference, It was prophesied over me that I am gonna be a leader. A leader! I am stoked to see how this is gonna turn out, as two people told me this! God....oh God....you are SO mighty! SO powerful!

Thank you. Thank-you for what you're gonna do....what's in process....what has happened. You are surely the God of all gods, King of all kings, MIGHTY TO SAVE!

Wonderful. Purely, beautifuly, wonderful.

Thank-you Lord, thank-you Lord.

Find It. Use It.

2008-11-02T17:12:00.000-08:00

Spiritual gifts. We all have atleast one. Our pastor talked about them in church today. How we need to use them. They aren't for just one specific moment in our lives.

They're for today.And today, is everyday.

It's time we open up the closet and dig 'em out of the deepest, darkest corners.

If you feel like you don't know what your spiritual gift is, ask God to reveal it to you. Pray. Seek. He'll show you.

If you need a starter, simply read this aloud, and carry on from there.

"God, I come before you now. I humble myself, for I know whatever spiritual gift you've given me is to glorify you, and you alone, God. Please reveal yourself to me. I want to know what my spiritual gift is. I want to be able to use it to let the rest of the world know what a powerful God you are! What a powerful God we serve! God, please teach me how to use this gift in the ways you want. It's all yours. I am simply a tool =) Thank-you God."

Have faith. Believe. God will show you. He will teach you. Just keep praying.

Just keep praying.

Aletheia

2008-10-26T16:20:00.000-07:00

So...
I feel God wants me to start a worship service that would be held once a month on a Saturday. I am totally HAPPY about this and TOTALLY want to do this...it's just I don't know how to get it started.
If anyone out there reading my blog has any experience with this, or has any ideas, please comment! :D lol I'd be happy to hear about your ideas :).

Oh! In case you didn't know what the title is--or how it has anything to do with what I just wrote; I think that's what this worship nite would be called. Aletheia. It means Truth. (In Greek I think.)

Don't Lose It Now

2008-10-18T16:25:00.000-07:00

His love never fails. So stick with Him. You may be going through something that's unbelievably tough, but I believe God will stand with you through thick and thin. The balance beam you're walking on, isn't gonna break or tip--God holding it and keeping it sturdy. You're not gonna fall off it--God's holding your hand, and if you trip, he's gonna catch you in his arms of love.
No matter what, God will be there for you.
So don't lose it now.
Don't give up now.
Stick with Him. Stick with the Truth.
God's love is strong and He's got faith in you. Why? 'Cause he created you!

Before you know it, this struggle will be over. The ice will crack, snow will melt--and it'll be like summer. The warm sun shining on you--everything clear as day.

But when you face that next trial, don't lose it. Don't give up. God's gonna help you again--just like the time before that. New seasons will arive; but stand firm--stand strong. God's holding onto you. He's watching you, and He'll help navigate you in the right ways--as long as you trust and choose to follow Him. You can't do it on your own.

The only way you can finish this test--this race-- is by trusting, and knowing your faith is in Christ Jesus alone. Don't fall now. Don't lose it now. Don't give up now!

Always remember He loves you. You are God's child--he's your father, and he believes in you!

Follow. Trust. Choose.